Better than that
by finmagik
Summary: Wrong, wrong bad bad fanfic: Lars gets deflowered by a sentient rock.


The stars were twinkling over Beach city as Steven slumped over his ukulele. The light and warmth of a bonfire wasn't helping him stay awake. He'd been hanging out with the cool kids and Lars. At a small party on the beach near the temple.

"I'm getting sleepy," Steven said and yawned.

"It's cool, that's why we brought the blanket," Jenny said. As she draped, the blanket over Steven.

"Oh, thanks,'" Steven replied. He was asleep almost instantly, cuddling the uke.

"Awww, he looks cute." said Buck and in beat added. "I'm gonna get a pic if he starts drooling."

Lars laughed, syncophantly and added: "Hey now that the kid's out of it. Can we break out the booze?"

"Yeah, I guess." Sour cream shrugged.

Jenny got out a twelve pack of beer and a half a liter of vodka. She handed out the beers, to her friends and Lars (who took it with a nervous grin). They drank, talked and laughed around the bonfire. Lars hadn't really drunk this much before, besides living at home, meant he couldn't exactly afford to party. He liked the way it made him feel: cooler, freerer warm and pleasantly dizzy. He laughed louder and generally everything.

"Quick, put it away!" Jenny cautioned, looking up towards the house on the beach.

"Why?" asked Sour cream, who was still nursing his first beer.

"They're coming to get Steven," Jenny said. "We don't want the Crystal Gems seeing this."

"Eh, their cool," Buck said with a shrug and defiantly kept his beer out.

"Yeah, why should we care what they think,' Lars sneered.

Garnet, Pearl and Amethyst were walking along the beach. Garnet looked impassively at them, Pearl scowled at the booze and Amethyst was grinning.

"We've come for Steven," Garnet said.

"You shouldn't be drinking that, humans already have a very short lifespan," Pearl added.

"Hey! Whatcha got there? Is that Pinnacle gummy fish vodka?" Asked Amethyst.

"Uhhhh yeah," Jenny answered.

"Does it really taste like gummy fish?" Amethyst asked.

"Not really," Jenny said.

Amethyst looked disappointed.

Garnet was picking up Steven, putting him over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Pearl was standing arms crossed over her chest, looking disapproving. Lars realized suddenly that Amethyst who was still talking to Jenny, was pretty hot for a short purple chick. He was pretty drunk, but hey this was his chance right?

He walked right up to her and said: "Heeey Amethyst…. I like your tits!"

There was a moment or two of deafening, awkward silence, as conversation stopped dead.

Amethyst broke into a grin and replied: "Thanks! I like them too!" She laughed and gave a little shake.

He was to drunk to notice anything else, but the silence had stopped. He had to make his move, maybe he'd get somewhere… He leaned down and kissed her: wet, sloppy, and with far to many teeth. She giggled and started licking him. And then somehow Garnet (Sans sleeping Steven) was in between them.

"We should be getting home now." She said firmly.

"But—" Began Amethyst.

"Home. now." Garnet repeated.

"Alright," Amethyst sighed, shoulders slumping.

Steven was standing, groggily awake by Pearl's side. As the Gems and Steven walked back to the house. Amethyst turned back, looked at Lars and gave him a wink. The party ended shortly after that.

The next day at the big donut Lars was nursing a headache and letting Sadie do all the work. The sun was being annoyingly bright, that day. When Steven and Amethyst walked in. Steven began chatting excitedly to Sadie… and dancing? Lars couldn't be sure because Amethyst was right in front of him, he blushed and tried not to stare directly at her cleavage.

"Lars…" She said.

"Uh yeah?" Lars said. he had been staring at her cleavage.

"If you're still interested meet at the lighthouse this afternoon," She said and winked.

"Oh cool," Lars smiled. He was still interested, as he was 18 and a virgin still which was embarrassing really, so this was his chance.

Soon Amethyst and Steven were leaving with a bag of donuts, Amethyst looked back at Lars and gave her hips a little shake.

"What was that about?" asked Sadie.

"None of your business," Lars replied with a sneer.


End file.
